Poison Pen

is not Vegas. The Rockabilly Weekender trip was pretty fun but it would have been significantly less fun if it hadn’t been for all the Weekender-themed stuff going on.

For one thing, the blingy gambling aspects of Vegas bore me. I don’t get the allure that infects most of the people in the casinos. Those people are freakin’ zombies. I was interested in studying assorted people at the machines or sitting at tables for about 37 minutes and 24 seconds as I sat at the bar. I mean, I get the allure of the whole "professional high roller" thing, obvs. But otherwise - YEESH. The noise, the lights, the repetitive chaos. Thank god for alcohol (for me, that is). I needed to be numbed down to it all so as not to get irritable.

Walking on the strip was an exercise in not becoming a mass murderer. The distance from casino to casino was a winding, lengthy, time-wasting battle with architectural manipulation. I had to weave between hordes of zombies who were taking a break from the mindless throwing away of money to gallop drunkenly along the walkways or stumble to restaurants so they could shovel gross food into their mouths. Traffic choked streets added to the overall "get me out of here" mantra playing about in my head.

And that was after my first ½ day there!

The good stuff: I had a great relaxing visit with Rickilane and Allison who have an adorable well-mannered daughter. Getting "off strip" was a salve to my frayed tolerance. However, the off strip sections in Vegas that I saw, although un-embroidered by loud and gaudy casino-grandeur, merely reminded me of the unappealing strip malls, suburban spread and traffic choked sprawl of Houston, Los Angeles, and many other cities across the U.S. I have no affinity with.

As for the Rockabilly Weekender - well, the up side was that I had a great time hanging out with and going to stuff with Lily LeRouge and Alisha Amnesia - those bitches are FUN! But, for the most part, I hit my rockabilly/retro-swing/burlesque saturation point about 3 hours into my first day there. I kept thinking I saw the same guy over and over (albeit very attractive) and the same pin-up girl styled chicks over and over. After a while, everyone presented with cookie-cutter sameness. I guess there’s not a whole lot of breathing room when you are trying to authentically recreate a look or scene with such narrow parameters to follow. I would have loved to see more "updated" interpretations of the retro thing but there seemed to be an extreme fixation on being "authentic" - which comes off as a little prissy and dull.   Whatever - if that’s your thing, more power to you. As I said above, if it wasn’t for the Rockabilly Weekender attendees and events, I’d have run screaming to the airport and begged them to get me on a plane and home early.

The worst part of the trip: the drinks in Vegas are some of the stingiest poured, weakest-ass drinks I’ve ever had. Seriously. Vegas, baby, you need to step up your game b/c applauding yourself for being a 24/7 town doesn’t fly when you consistently serve the most feeble drinks I’ve ever had. Lame.

In other news, I got a fantastic job offer which I accepted and I start on April 30. There will be cocktails tonight after work to celebrate in the lovely Hayes Valley with a bunch of people, of course.

Hello springtime - Bring on zee weekend!